This is a Joke of a thread

A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend, he comments, “You look terrible. What’s the problem?” “My mother died in June, and left me $10,000.” said the friend. “Gee, that’s tough,” he replied. “Then in July,” the friend continued, “My father died, leaving me $50,000.” The man looking concerned says, “Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you’re depressed.” The friend continues, “And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000.” “Three close family members lost in three months??? How sad!!!” “Then this month…” continued, the friend,
“Nothing! Not a single dime!”

A young couple, on the brink of divorce, visits a marriage counsellor.
The counsellor asks the wife, “What’s the problem?”
She responds, “My husband suffers from premature ejaculation.”
The counsellor turns to her husband and inquires, “Is that true?”
The husband replies, “Well not exactly, she’s the one that suffers, not me.”

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in france ..... all they found was de brie !

Whats the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a well dressed man on a tricycle ?.... attire !!

What do you call a man with no nose or body ?.... nobody nose!!


Im getting over my fear of elevators.....im taking steps to avoid it!

I was reversing the car the other day i thought ah this takes me back!!

I was in the Chinese and had some left overs the waiter said do you want a box for that i said no but ill wrestle you for it!!

I had a dream i was a muffler last night... woke up exhausted !!!

I cut my finger cutting cheese ....i have grater problems !!!

Old chinese proverb

To meet girl in park,is good
To park meat in girl,is better

There's a new plane made entirely from rubber, so that when it crashes, it bounces.....

It's a Boing 747

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"

I said, "Wow!"

Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on Daddy's stomach last night?" "I have to do that, or Daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny." "That's not going to work." "Why not?" "Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."

A Mafia Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a room to meet with his former accountant. The Godfather asks the accountant, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The accountant does not answer. The Godfather asks again, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The attorney interrupts, "Sir, the man is a deaf mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you." The Godfather says, "Well ask him where my damm money is!" The attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the 3 million dollars is. The accountant signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He doesn't know what you are talking about." The Godfather pulls out a 9 millimeter pistol, puts it to the temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, "Ask him again where my damn money is!" The attorney signs to the accountant, "He wants to know where it is!" The accountant signs back, "OK! OK! OK! The money is hidden in a brown suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!" The Godfather says, "Well....what did he say?" The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He says...go to hell... ...that you don't have the guts to pull the trigger

As part of sex education at school, a teacher decided to have a box for pupils of her class to anonymously ask embarrassing questions. Each day, they would read out a few of the questions posted and then she would answer them. One such question was : ‘Is penis size hereditary?’ to which she answered "No". Immediately a kid jumped up screaming: ‘Thank god!’
The look on our teacher’s face was priceless.

A youngster goes off to varsity. He's running short of funds. He phones home, "Dad you won't believe what modern education is developing. They actually have a programme here that will teach our dog, Jack, to talk".

"That's amazing. How do I get Jack into that Programme?"

"Just send him down here with R 10 000.00, I'll get him on the course".

So the father sends the dog and R 10 000.00. About two-thirds through the semester the money runs out. Again the youngster phones home.

"So how's Jack doing, son?"

"Awesome dad, he's talking up a storm. But you just won't believe this - they had such good results they've started to teach the dogs to read".

"Read, no kidding! How do we get Jack on that programme"?

"Just send R 20 000.00, I'll get him the class".

The money arrives promptly.

But our lad has a problem. At the end of the year his father will discover that the dog can neither talk nor read.

So he shoots the dog.

When he arrives home, his father's excited.

"Where's Jack? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk".

"Dad, I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before I left to drive home, Jack was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the finance pages like he normally does. Then he turned to me and asked : "So, is your father still having an affair with that pretty lady, Rachel, who lives down the street?".

The father goes pale and exclaims : "The son-of-a bitch, he'll talk to your mother. You shoulda shot him!"

"I did that Dad".

"That's my boy".

The kid went on to Law school and is now a politician.