1...what do you call a girl who is always in the bookies?...................................betty!!!!!
2...Jockey Marriage
"A young jockey and his stable lass girlfriend make the decision to get married. Everything is planned and the couple intend to honeymoon in Italy for a week. The marriage goes without a hitch and the couple set off on their honeymoon. While checking in the lady behind the desk asks 'We have two suites available for you, would you like the bridal?' 'No thanks says the jockey I'll just hold her ears till she gets the hang of it!""
3. This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?" She replies, "What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it?" He says, "Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on." She is appeased and goes off to work around the house. Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying pan swatting. He says, "What's that for this time?" She answered, "Your horse called."
4... WHEN the welldressed gambler left the club he was accosted by a
downandouter who asked him for a few dollars for a meal.
The gambler took pity. "Come inside and I'll buy you a beer."
"No, I don't drink," said the man.
"Well, how about a cigar?"
"No, I don't smoke."
"Well, I know a certainty tomorrow. I'll put a $100 on it for you."
"No. Just a few dollars for food," insisted the man.
"Then come home with me for a meal. I want my wife to see what happens to a
man who doesn't drink, smoke or gamble."
5...The Salvation Army realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful Bookmakers. So a Salvation Army volunteer made an appointment to see the Bookie in his lavish office.
The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, ‘Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a cent to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the Salvation Army?'
The Bookie thought for a moment and said, ‘First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?
’Embarrassed, the Salvation Army volunteer mumbled, ‘Uh... no, I didn't know that.'
'Secondly,’ says the Bookie, ‘did it show that my brother, a disabled Veteran, is blind, confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?'
The stricken volunteer began to stammer an apology, but was cut off again.
'Thirdly,’ the Bookie said, ‘did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and the burden of supporting three children, one of whom is disabled and another who has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?'
Completely beaten, the humiliated Salvation Army volunteer said, ‘I'm so sorry. I had no idea.’
And then the Bookie said, ‘So, if I don't give any money to them, what makes you think I'd give any to you?'
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