Joe says to Paddy, "Close your curtains the next time you're shagging your wife. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
Paddy says: "Well the joke's on them because I wasn't even at home yesterday."
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Mick walks into Paddy's barn and catches him dancing naked and playing with himself in front of a tractor. Mick says, "Jaysus Paddy, what in hell de yer tink yer doing?"
Paddy says, "Well me and Mary haven't been getting on in the bedroom lately and the therapist recommended I do something sexy to attracter.....
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Paddy says to Mick, "Jeez, I'm ready for me holiday; but this year I'm going to do it a bit different. Three years ago I went to Spain - and Mary got pregnant. Two years ago I went to Italy - and Mary got pregnant. Last year I went to Majorca - and again Mary got pregnant".
Mick asks, "So what are you going to do this year?"
Paddy replies, "Oi think oi'll take her wid me"
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Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on a Friday this year" ...
Mick says "Let's hope it's not the 13th."
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Paddy and Mick find three grenades, so they take them to a police station.
Mick says, "What if one explodes before we get there?"
Paddy: "We'll lie and say we only found two."
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Paddy's in the bathroom and Murphy shouts to him. "Did you find the shampoo?"
Paddy says, "yes but it's for dry hair and I've just wet mine."
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