Only a joke

bigh wrote: The wit of the Scots . . .








A Greek and a Scotsman were sitting in a Starbucks cafe discussing who had the superior culture.









Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "Well we Greeks built the Parthenon" and arched his eyebrows.









The Scotsman replies, "Well . . . it was the Scots that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices.









The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics."









The Scotsman, nodding in agreement says, "Scots were the ones who built the first timepieces and calendars."









And so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says,









"The Greeks were the ones who invented sex!"









The Scotsman replies, “Aye, that is true, but it was we Scots who introduced it to women!”

bwhahahahaha.... That must rank right up there with the toilet seat invention....

Have you heard. ABC is going to develop an early warning system.It will warn members of an outsider horse that will win so that they rather can go fishing for the day
:evil:

Picture a room full of pregnant women with their husbands.

A nurse says, “Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path.”

“Gentlemen, remember that you’re both in this together. It wouldn’t hurt for you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both.”

The room becomes very quiet as the men absorb this information. After a few moments a man, name unknown, at the back of the room slowly raises his hand. “Yes?” says the Nurse.

“I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk.”

For many decades, two heroic statues of a male and a female faced each other in a city park until, one day, an angel came down from heaven with an announcement for them.

“You’ve been such exemplary statues for the community that I’m going to give you a special gift and bring you both to life for thirty minutes, during which time can do anything you want.” Then, with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.

The two approached each other a bit shyly at first, but soon dashed for the bushes. Soon after, the angel could hear a good deal of giggling, laughter and shaking of branches. Then, fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes with wide grins on their faces.

“You still have fifteen more minutes,” said the angel as he winked at each of them. Grinning even more widely, the female statue turned to the male statue and said, “Great! Let’s do it again. Only this time, you hold down the pigeon down and I’ll shit on it’s head!”

Pete and Larry had not seen each other in many years. Now they had a long talk trying to fill in the gap of those years by telling about their lives. Finally Pete invited Larry to visit him in his new apartment. "I got a wife and three kids and I'd love to have you visit us."
"Great. Where do you live?"
"Here's the address. And there's plenty of parking behind the apartment. Park and come around to the front door, kick it open with your foot, go to the elevator and press the button with your left elbow, then enter! When you reach the sixth floor, go down the hall until you see my name on the door. Then press the doorbell with your right elbow and I'll let you in."
"Good. But tell me...what is all this business of kicking the front door open, then pressing elevator buttons with my right, then my left elbow?"
"Surely, you're not coming empty-handed."

I found my girlfriend dead this morning. She was still warm so for old times sake I decided to give her one last shag. Half way through she jumps up shouting " Boo" in my face.

Some people are just weird in the head !!

I used to be a necrophiliac until some c*nt split on me :lol:

What Confucius did not say.........
Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
Passionate kiss, like a spider web, leads to undoing of fly.
Lady who goes camping must beware of the evil intent.
Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.
Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.
Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.
War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It takes many nails to build a crib but only one screw to fill it.
Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.
Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
Finally Confucius did say:
" A Lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood

Cool one.

Keep us laughing....

good ones - keep em coming

Confucius say...man who walk through airport side-wards going to Bangkok...