It's National Poem Day Today.

My nookie days are over
My pilot light is out
What used to be my sex appeal
Is now my water spout.

Time was when, on its own accord
From my trousers it would spring
But now I've got a full-time job
To find the blasted thing.

It used to be embarrassing
The way it would behave
For every single morning
It would stand and watch me shave.

Now as old age approaches
It sure gives me the blues
To see it hang its little head
And watch me tie my shoes.

Tae market tae market wi ma aunty Jean
And up strode a laddie who looked awfy keen
He pulled doon his troosers and pull out his cock
And aunty Jean hit it with a great f**in rock

Followed by the Hearts song
HEARTS and if u canny spell it then hears what it's say
............

Dreams of Life

Its National Poems Day
So allow me to have my say
The GREATESS is what I'll become
Although some might think I'm just a bum...
Arrogant in the eyes of some!
Analyzing races is my game
Day in...Day out,chasing the fame
If I miss out,only myself is to blame
Betting favs is not my style,its just too lame
I run a group called Business 4 Life
The bookies we slice with a razor-edged knife
Longer odds always takes a dive
You might not know me yet
BT y'all talk abt me in the future,I BET!
By than I'll be flying to HK in a jet
Dollars is what I'll go get
Just gotta LOVE the business of racing
Always gets the old clocker pacing
As punters its riches we are chasing
This is AFRICAN BETTING CLAN
I'm sure everyone is a great fan
Beloved BOB is the man
Keeps us up to date like only he can
Now let me have my toast and jam
To find that long shot winner that will make me shout BAM BAM BAM!!!

have a cracking day peoples!!!

The Good Ship Venus

Aboard the good ship Venus,
You really should have seen us,
With a figurehead of a whore in bed,
And a mast of a phallic genus

The captain of the lugger,
Was known as a filthy bugger,
Declared unfit to shovel grit,
From one ship to another.

The cabin boys name was Chipper,
A Randy little nipper,
He made a pass with a broken glass,
And circumcised the skipper.

The first mate's name was Morgan,
By gosh, he was a gorgon,
From half past eight he played till late,
Upon the captain's organ

The captain's wife was Charlotte,
Born and bred a harlot,
Her thighs at night were lily white,
By morning they were scarlet.

The captain's daughter, Mabel,
Though young, was fresh and able,
To fornicate with the second mate,
Upon the chartroom table.

The captain's younger daughter,
Was washed into the water,
Her plaintive squeals announced that eels,
Had found her sexual quarter.

The ship's dog's name was Rover,
We turned that poor thing over,
And ground and ground that faithful hound
From Teneriff to Dover.

And when we reached our station,
Through skillful navigation,
The ship got sunk, in a wave of spunk,
From too much fornication.

There once was a plumber called Lee
Was plumbing his wife 'neath a tree
She said 'Stop your plumbing
I hear someone coming'
He said, 'Don't be stupid, that's me'.

Lumpy lumpy custard hot snot pie
All mixed together with a dead dog's eye
Dried blood sandwich piled up thick
All washed down with a cup cold of sick



(Sent from my cell using Tapatalk)

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water
Jill forgot to take her pill and now she has a daughter

My friend Tim challenged me, if u can make a rhyme end in Timbucktoo I'll buy u a case of ale. I was up to the challenge. He started off.

As I was standing on the sand, I saw a ship leaving the land.
The hull was red, the port was blue, I knew it came from Timbucktoo.

My turn.
As Tim and I were walking thru Kent, we met 3 ladies in a tent.
As they were 3 and we were 2, I bucked one and Tim buckedtoo.....now cough up laddie.