This is a Joke of a thread

There was a Rabii that i knew that saved up all the snips of skin from the circumcision and made them into wallets..

The only problem was when you rubbed them they turned into Suitcases ()

hibernia Wrote:

---

> There was a Rabii that i knew that saved up all
> the snips of skin from the circumcision and made
> them into wallets..
>
> The only problem was when you rubbed them they
> turned into Suitcases ()


You not the only one who watched Mrs Browns Boys on Monday night.

A man and a woman, who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied. "Get your own f*#@ing blanket!"

After a moment of silence, he farted.

Young people have theirs,
now Seniors have their own texting codes:

* ATD- At the Doctor's

* BFF - Best Friends Funeral

* BTW- Bring the Wheelchair

* BYOT - Bring Your Own Teeth

* CBM- Covered by Medicare

* CUATSC- See You at the Senior Center

* DWI- Driving While Incontinent

* FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

* GGPBL- Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

* GHA - Got Heartburn Again

* HGBM - Had Good Bowel Movement

* LMDO- Laughing My Dentures Out

* LOL- Living on Lipitor

* OMSG - Oh My! Sorry, Gas

* TOT- Texting on Toilet

* WAITT - Who Am I Talking To?


Hope these help. GGLKI (Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking in!)

When I was in the pub I heard a couple of guys saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman. What a pair of sexists. I mean it's not as if she'd have to reverse the bloody thing!

Pasop vir die Boere

Barack Obama was sitting in his office wondering which country to invade next, when his telephone rang.

"Howzit, Barack!" a voice in broken English said. "This is Coenie Spohr here from the Doringboom Bar in Alberton , South Africa . I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you, boet!"

"Well, Coenie," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Coenie, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my swaar Stetch, my cousin Jan, my next-door neighbour Lang Hannes , and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight of us!"

Barack paused. "I must tell you, Coenie, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Blikkiesfontein!" said Coenie. "I'll have to ring you back!" Sure enough, the next day, Coenie called again. "Barack, my China, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Coenie?" Barack asked.

"Well, we have four Hilux double-cabs, two kombis, an old Case bulldozer, and Vet Gert's John Deere tractor".

Barack sighed. "I must tell you, Coenie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1,5 million since we last spoke."

"Liewe erdvark!" said Coenie. "I'll have to get back to you..." Sure enough, Coenie rang again the next day. "Barack, ou swaer, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Doepie's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four okes from the Virginia Hengelklub have joined us as well!"

Barack was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Coenie, I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Slaat my dood!", said Coenie, "I'll have to ring you back." Sure enough, Coenie called again the next day. "Jis, jis, jis, Barack! I am sorry to tell you that we've had to call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Barack. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well," said Coenie, "we've all had a long chat over some klippies and coke, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of war!"

recd from my cuzzy in the US:


Paraprosdokians- (Winston Churchill lovedthem) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a
> sentence or phrase is surprising orunexpected; frequently humorous.
>1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
>
>2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
>
>3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
>
>4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
>
>5. We never really grow up, we onlylearn how to act in public.
>
>6. War does not< span sty etermine who is right - only who is left.
>
>7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
>
>8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
>
>9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
>
>10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' I put 'DOCTOR'.
>Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
>
>12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
>
>13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure..
>
>14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit theta rget.>
>15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you acar.
>
>16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
>
>17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but its getting harder and harder for me to find one now.


-D

X(

I had a fight with an erection this morning......... I beat it single handedly

Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner.

He lives with a female roommate, Maria.


During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate is.




Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates.''

About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl.

You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote an email:


Dear MaMa,

I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house ; I'm not saying that you "did not" take it.

But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Your Loving Son

Anthony





Several days later, Anthony received a response email from his MaMa which read:



Dear son,

I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her.

But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.

Your Loving MaMa



Moral:

Never BuLL Shita you MaMa

It's rumoured Susan Boyle is to dress up as an alter boy in a bid to lose her virginity.

davetheflower Wrote:

---

> It's rumoured Susan Boyle is to dress up as an
> alter boy in a bid to lose her virginity.

LMAO....(tu)

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