This is a Joke of a thread

Why did the Trapeze Artist go to the bank?

davetheflower Wrote:

---

> Why did the Trapeze Artist go to the bank?


To check he's balance..

Fitness program for Men over 50 years of age



Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.



With a 5kg potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can



Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.



Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.



After a couple of weeks, move up to 10kg potato bags.



Then try 50kg potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100kg potato bag in each hand and hold

your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)





Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says " Fark off,you won't bring it back"

This morning on the way to work I drove into the back of a car at some lights,whilst not paying attention.
The driver got out and he was a dwarf.
He said, " Im not happy"
I replied, "We'll which one are you then"

I got a good joke ....


SOUTH AFRICAN FARKIN HORSERACING....

Heard on "Highveld" yesterday:

How do I tell my dogs that they are adopted?

Following an orgasmic grunt while calling out the wrong name do you pretend you were practising calling children's names?

When he/she is fiddling in your mouth do you suck your dentist's fingers?

I heard Mike Schutte entered a masturbation competition he came 1ste,2nd and 3rd

The dumbest animal on earth......a dog, after a shit it wipes its feet.

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.
They arrive at the club and the
doorman says, "Hey, Kenny! How ya doin'?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh, no," says Kenny. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Kenny if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"
"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Kenny, and says "Hi Kenny. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"
Kenny's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Kenny follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must
have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Kenny."

A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"

"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.

"What's it telling you now?" she asked.

"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." he said.

The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!"

The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."

I was talking to a girl in the bar last night.

She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."

I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your attractive friends over there instead of you."